"Parenting" is actually the easiest and most difficult thing. What do we want our children to achieve in each area? Every parent has his or her own standards.
How do we "parent"? All we see is that the major parenting philosophies have their own opinions. After all, what we are raising is a human being, not a product with strict standards, and people are inherently complex and unique.
So, I was hesitant before I was ready to write this series of parenting-related articles. I told my friend, "Every child is different, and everyone has a different approach to raising a child. In fact, each has its own merits. I didn't dare to export my opinion and influence others' thoughts. But I really want to share something that I really think is practical. I'm really conflicted, I don't know how to write, how to grasp the size."
"Just write whatever comes to your mind and don't think too much about it. We all have the ability to screen and filter information. Your actual real stuff as long as it is from the heart, will certainly inspire and help others. Of course, this is also a summary of your own experience and knowledge, and the best way to record your son's growth."
A friend said something, so I put down my heart, will be collected before the information, read the book combined with their own practical experience put here slowly share to everyone.
If it is helpful to you, then I am honored.If you don't think it's for you and your children, but please laugh it off.
Due to my family reasons, my husband works to earn money to support the family. The main force with the baby is inevitably me.
However, know that I am a restless person. If I spend the whole day in the role of a full-time housewife with a baby, I will definitely go crazy!
I am very eager to have my own space and time, and I always want to do what I want to do while bringing up the children: painting, shopping, going out and traveling.
However, these ideas out, all relatives and friends are kindly advised: "Raising a small baby may be too busy for 2 or 3 person, so how can you have the opportunity to have the time and energy to do the things you want to do again? It is simply impossible!"
So, I began to search for all kinds of information, read all kinds of books, and stock up on all kinds of magic tools since I was pregnant.
I have been consciously working on a regular routine since my son was born. By the time he was three months old, he was sleeping through the night (8 hours). Three naps during the day, and in most cases, semi-autonomous sleep. Usually, he rarely cries more than once.
The life I wanted was not compromised by bringing up a baby, but rather a little more sweet happiness.
Many of my friends lamented that my son is an angel baby. In fact, he was not born an angel baby, but in the day after repeatedly honed into. The biggest credit is the regular work and rest!
A lot of friends asked me how in the end I could not have to put to sleep? How to wean the night milk? How to sleep the whole sleep?
In fact, these problems do not exist independently. You want to solve all these problems must start with the baby's 24-hour work schedule, the systematic planning and adjustment. A baby who has a regular routine and a reasonable biological clock. The whole day is a benign work and rest track, naturally eat well, sleep well, play well, good mood. And if the rest disorder vicious cycle, it will lead to the baby a day are very irritable, the whole family is physically and mentally exhausted!
Now is the era of information explosion, we can get a lot of information from any source.
However, although the amount of information online is comprehensive, it is inevitably fragmented and unsystematic. Sometimes it is easy to take the knowledge we acquire out of context and eventually find that much of it is invalid. This is when we question whether what is said online is all a lie and exaggerated. Why does the same method, the same magic tool not work for my child?
In fact, it is too impatient and does not absorb the essence. We really need to quiet our minds. Go back to the old ways, read a book carefully and meticulously, and gain systematic knowledge. Understand the ins and outs of the methods we are about to put into practice, the causes and consequences, and grasp to the essence. According to the actual situation you encounter, you can use it in a flexible way without violating the general principles.
I used the book "The Secret of the Baby Whisperer" and read it once while I was pregnant.
Whenever there is confusion and stress, I take it out and read it again with purpose.I've read it at least four or five times before and after, and each time I get something different.
I recommend it to everyone!
If you've read my long speech above, you're still looking forward to reading on. Then please be prepared for the following psychological preparation.
- You may encounter your child crying and resisting, what should you do?
Who do you think can control their emotions more reasonably, you or the baby? Of course you are! Babies are meant to cry! He can't talk and can only cry to express his needs.
"Are you going to say that all-important cry-immunization method? I would never use such a cruel method if I wanted to raise a child intimately!"
Of course not! Be patient and listen to me slowly.
There are many possibilities for babies to cry, they may be hungry, they may be sleepy, they may be cold, they may be hot, they may need a diaper change, they may be sick, they may be insecure. When a baby cries, it is easy for adults to feel like a knife.
But first, please stop your stride to the baby, put down your open arms, stand still and think for ten seconds!
(Ten seconds is really harmless, don't worry!)
Then listen carefully to your baby's cry. Don't take it as what we think of as "crying", but translate it into what the baby is saying. Don't put pressure on your emotions and think that your baby is crying because I don't love him enough, he's just talking to you in his own language!
You will find that your baby's cry is actually quite wonderful. He cries differently when he has different needs.
A grunting, lingering cry could be hunger.
A sudden burst of crying may be discomfort.
Irritable, shaking head, rubbing eyes and snorting, increasingly angry crying may be sleepy.
Crying twice and stopping for a while and then crying twice again may be due to heat.
You don't want your baby to cry? Then first stop and listen to what he is actually crying about?
Address his needs accurately in order to make him cry less!
If you feel like you're having a heart attack when you hear your baby cry, then remember my words.
"You think a newborn's cry is loud, but when the baby is three months old, you'll know it's just like a kitten's cry.
You think the three-month-old baby's voice is so loud that it reaches the sky, when the baby is a full year old, you will know that it is just a short concerto.
You think a one-year-old baby wailing wildly renewal ability super, and when the baby can run and jump, you will know what it means to see people annoying children!
Today you can not tolerate a little bit of baby crying, tomorrow may cry is your own! "
I'm not asking you to let your baby cry and not take action.
A friendly reminder.
One of the easiest things for new parents to ignore is that babies cry when they are sleepy. The ability to fall asleep on your own is something that needs to be learned, just like eating. We think it's easy, but it's hard for babies (in fact, sometimes it's not easy for adults either, insomniacs you know!
So after you have checked that your baby is not hungry, not uncomfortable, and does not need a diaper change, put your baby down and put him to bed!
New parents are most likely to misjudge that their baby is sleepy. Thinking he is hungry or insecure, they rush to feed or snuggle. This will lay the groundwork for future milk sleep and cuddle sleep, and also pave a big hole for regular routine.
Please save your loving cuddles for when your baby is awake!
When your baby is sleepy and wants to sleep, you are the helper to help him fall asleep. Don't be a loving mom and don't put too much psychological pressure on yourself!
For details on how to put your baby to sleep without nursing or cuddling and how to get him to fall asleep on his own, follow my other articles!
- You may encounter obstacles and non-cooperation from your family, what should you do?
The premise of giving your baby a regular routine is that the whole family must be supportive and cooperative!
I'm sure your husband will be easy to convince. This teammate you must pull together, he will be your strong backing on the road to success!
Everyone has their own point of view, and no one is willing to easily step back when it comes to the collection of love that is the baby, and no one wants to give up the right to express their love for the baby in their own ideas and ways.
This leads to conflicts!
Why do we still feel tired of bringing up a child when the whole family is gathered around one child?
Why we are a team with one child, everyone is physically and mentally exhausted. Why do French mothers have fun with a team of children by themselves?
If we divide into physical and mental tiredness, the physical tiredness is estimated to be only 30%. Most of our energy is consumed internally, and we are extremely inefficient, consuming ourselves with different perceptions every day.
So whose concept is right in the end?
Who brings up the children more, who says so!
You want to give your child a regular routine and give him or her the opportunity to grow up independently. Give yourself some time and space too. Then write out your schedule for your baby and put it on the wall at home. Ask the whole family to meet and discuss how to implement it, how to divide the work, and who is in charge.
Opinions are not unanimous and leadership positions are not determined. You'll find that the good habits you've worked so hard to develop may be lost in a moment!
Although the baby can not talk, but in fact very smart!
Family members treat him wavering, he naturally will not form a stable character himself. Without a stable character, the later the bigger the problem will multiply and accumulate to a certain level before it is too late to regret.
- You may be questioning yourself. My methods always don't work and I want to give up, what should I do?
Well, the previous external pressure is unblocked, it's time to address the internal pressure. You will find that after you have a baby, you will often have all kinds of stress that you put on yourself.
For example, "Has the baby had enough to eat? Is there not enough milk? Do I need to add formula?
Why is the baby still not sleeping and why is he still crying? Do I need to cuddle him? Why don't I just nurse my baby to sleep?
But the milk is not good for sleeping? But the baby has been crying, my soothing method is not at all reliable?
Why do other people use good magic tools, my child did not help at all?
The baby is not moving at all, it is not suffocating, right? ......"
No one is born a mom. Every new mom grows up with all kinds of self-questioning.
It's really hard to appreciate the state of being alert 24 hours a day without being a parent.
Maybe you see a new mother sitting there leisurely playing with her phone.
In fact, she may be stressed out with no one to talk to, and is desperately looking for psychological comfort from the internet, repeatedly confirming that she is a good and competent mother.
I said. Relax! The baby is not as fragile as you think, and you are not as incompetent as you think!
As for the regular routine, it really is not a day or two, or even a week or two to develop.
A good routine for your baby is a lifelong treasure with him. Not only is there less crying and more smiles at this stage, but also the most basic and effective methodology for his learning and growth in the future.
You firmly believe that doing so will help your baby. The baby will become an angel baby, then he will little by little in the direction that you want to enter the track.
If you want to join a moms-support group and discuss with more moms like you, please search Alex Zh on Facebook to answer my 3 questions, then I will invite you to join in.