Previously I shared with you the previous part of the baby sleep misconceptions about the 15 sleep myths about babies, have you been tricked?(1/3) Today we continue to look at the middle part of the sleep myths.
Myth #8: The child cries, which means he wants to be feed. After drinking the milk, he sleeps.
The real situation is, there are many reasons for children crying. There are very many solutions to address the different reasons. What parents need is to think calmly and analytically. If every time your child cries you can only think of two solutions, feeding and holding up. It means you don't really care about your baby, you're avoiding thinking, and you're using the simplest and laziest approach!
(When I writing this paragraph, I know there are many people reading it will be upset. This is the truth. If not say so, many parents have to console themselves to trust to luck for a long time! You can refer to the previous article about “Is it wrong for me hold my baby when he cries?”
Myth 9: Even if my child has sleep problems, it's because he or she is too young and it will be fine on his or her own when he or she gets older. There is nothing I can do about it.
The fact is, the sleep ability will improve along with children growing. But sleep habits are influenced by parents' long-term behavior. Even if the child grows up a bit and his or her own sleep ability improves, the long-term sleep habits are bad and still cause sleep disorders. Not taking your child's sleep problems seriously is the same as putting your hope in luck.
Some mothers, who think they are lucky, actually have no intention of their good parenting style and good habits of regular routine. You think your child is all because of your own development to develop good regular work and sleep habits, but in fact these are your usual little by little unconscious behavior training out.
In fact, most new parents are unaware of regular routine, treat their children's cries and needs with uncertainty and misjudgment.
They take ways that all artificially create additional problems for the child. Instead of helping the child, they drag the child down. Many children are still waking up at night and constantly breastfeeding even at the age of 1 or 2.
Instead of staying up not knowing when it will end and relying on luck, it is better to figure out your child's real needs as early as possible. Guiding him so that both of you can get a good night's sleep, get your life on track.
Myth #10: A child's sleep is about being in his mother's arms
Reality, the most comfortable and most conducive place for your child to sleep quality is always the bed.
Think about it differently: if you were being held to sleep, would your sleep quality and length be better than if you slept in bed?
Short-term transitional cuddle sleep is fine. But you have to be aware of this, your child is getting heavier and heavier, you can not hold him all the time, let him back to bed to sleep is sooner or later. And this "sooner or later", it is better to early rather than late, the later the child habits take longer, the more difficult it is to change the habit when you want.
More importantly, do not shake while holding. Do a series of super difficult movements, digging yourself a big hole one after another.
(Some mothers even have to hold their children to climb the stairs and do squats, how much hatred do you have with you and your children in the end, can't you leave both sides alone and let each other sleep well?)
Because you have to quit sooner or later, when the child is bound to cry and resist, the more interference you join, the more complex the ingredients, the more difficult it is to change bad habits, the longer the child cries because he resists the new habit, the louder the cry.
Quit nursing to sleep and hold the method of sleep: “quit nursing to sleep, quit holding sleep method in-depth analysis, 2 ways for you to choose”
Myth #11: My child is a high-needs baby, all I can do is rush to meet his needs when he cries
The truth is, every baby is different. They are different in their ability to adapt, sleep, etc. It's true that the amount of time and effort each parent has to put in varies. But don't just label your child as a so-called "high-needs baby".
If you label your child as such, you are suggesting to yourself: "It's not my problem that my child is crying, it's his own demands, and since it's not my problem, I don't need to make any changes, I just need to be led by my child. Quite exhausting!" That's really bad!
It's like someone labeling you as an "incompetent mother" that makes people feel angry!
Babies have different personalities, some children are adaptable, some are not, some are good-tempered, some are stubborn. Lively, stable, stubborn, introverted these different personality types we all recognize. No matter what type of baby they are, they all need a regular routine and a good night's sleep.
But the label "high needs" really sounds like an abomination. How many children are really "high-needs babies"?
It's just that parents don't respect their children as much as they respect them as human beings.
Parents don't understand the true needs and developmental patterns of their children, don't try to guide them properly, or give up soon after a little attempt and don't stick to them at all.
The parents are unable to manage their own lives and the lives of their children, allowing the family to spiral out of control. They try to comfort themselves by saying it's not their problem and end up blaming it on the child, saying the child has "high needs"! Is this bullying children too young to defend themselves?
Myth #12: I want my child to sleep from 9pm to 9am without waking up for a bottle in between
If your definition of a full night's sleep is 10 hours or more, well, get over it!
Our definition of a baby sleeping through the night is a baby who can sleep for more than 6 hours on the first consecutive sleep after falling asleep at night.
In general, infants are capable of sleeping for 6 hours continuously at night while sleeping in regular naps during the day by 16 weeks of age (Thoman & Whitney, 1989; Mao, 2004; Sankupellay et al., 2011), and then slowly increase in duration as they get older.
So, if your child sleeps for a full six hours at night after 16 weeks, you should clap your hands and drink a toast of praise and relief!
Myth #13: As soon as my child grunts, squirms, or shakes his head, I should immediately rush over to soothe him
What's really happening: Calm down! Calm down! Calm down! Don't overreact to your child's movements in sleep or the little grunting cries that sound like chanting. Your over-reaction, your over-intervention, may be perceived as creating sleep problems for your child!
These behaviors before and during sleep are really normal. Children are sometimes not actually fully awake or about to fall asleep, so give them time to try it on their own. In this case, if you have to intervene every time, it is very likely that your child will develop a bad dependency on putting them to sleep or cause them to have habitual night wakings.
Habitual night waking means that the child wakes up at night not because he needs to wake up, but he wakes up in response to his parents' soothing behavior at a fixed time.
Many children who wake up frequently at night on a very regular basis are in fact mostly in this situation! Think about it, your child is getting up for you!!!
You can read this article on how to determine habitual night wakings: “What to do if you keep waking up at night? 7 ways to teach you to wean your baby from night feedings! A full night's sleep is not a dream!”
Myth 14: If your child has a sleep problem, you can just target the sleep problem with sleep guidance
What's true: When you feel like your child's problems are a mess, it's easy to think about fixing the problem that's causing you the most headaches first. The chaos and anxiety that floods your mind can make you forget to take a step back and look at the problem calmly.So you will lost in the sleep problems.
When you start trying all sorts of sleep training methods on the market, you realize that sleep training is too hard! It simply doesn't work on your own kids! You've read a lot of books, you want to raise your child according to the book, but the child does not grow according to the book! How come everyone else is raising angel babies, but my child has sleep problems!
When you are still in confusion and a lot of questions are coming to your mind; when you have used sleep guidance methods with little success; when you are hoping your child can sleep longer at night. Why don't you start by fixing the feeding time and help your baby to straighten out the activities in his routine first?
Let's put aside the details of sleep and go back to it when the general direction is straightened out.
For example, nursing to sleep, snacking, day and night reversal, waking up at short intervals during the night, constantly getting up for milk, fussing at dusk, partial flatulence, indigestion, how to sleep through the night, all these problems seem to be many sleep problems.
In fact, these are all problems under the broad umbrella of regular rest, which will be reduced or disappear after the rest is established.
Sleep problems are actually a part of the routine problem. The child's routine is a system in which there are not only sleep problems, but also problems with feeding, waking and playing time, and various outside distractions.
When sleep problems occur, you can try to look at all aspects of your child's routine from a systemic perspective.
For more information on sleep guidance that doesn't work, see this article: Baby sleep guidance, is it wrong? Why is it not working?
In the next article, we will talk about the 15th misconception of sleep problems and see what are the public pressures that moms encounter when it comes to sleep guidance.